


Why Danny Invented Cloning

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party (Band)
Genre: Clonecest, Crack, Humor, Multi, Secret Identity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:33:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6371374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan usually does a very good job keeping his double life as Danny Sexbang, universe-traveler and sex-loving ninja, under wraps.</p><p>That becomes a thousands times harder to do when the clones he bioengineered escape from lockdown.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Expect the pairings and tags to be updated (and the rating to change) as chapters start rolling out.
> 
> This was inspired by the fact that, in NSP canon, Danny invented cloning. So clearly this is as good an excuse as any for clonecest, right?

Once Upon a Time, there were four little Sexbangs. Conceived in a laboratory via hard-perfected cloning techniques. One had a crooked little smile that complimented his love of control; the second had lips as pink as the panties he wore under his kimono; the third was a crier who required seducing; the fourth was a suave romantic who could melt butter with a single gaze.

But the fifth was just Dan, and that was the problem. Only he had the power to keep them in line.

And heaven forbid someone leave a door ajar and allow the whole lot of them to escape….

 

***** 

“Brian?” A loud snoring noise greeted Dan as he tried to hold the phone closer to his ear. “Goddamn it, Brian, wake up!”

That scared his best friendto life. “Ugh. It’s…three in the fucking morning and I just got my daughter to sleep. I’m going to fucking kill you if this isn’t important.”

“Ahaha…about that.” Dan pulled anxiously on his hair. “Do you remember how number three figured out how to disable the power locks on his cell? Well, I just checked the guest room and all four of them are totally gone. Like nowhere to be found, and I have no idea where they are.”

“Jesus Christ, Dan, what did you think would happen? You invented them so you could sleep with four times the chicks, it didn’t work out and they’ve been resentful about it ever since.”

He fidgeted. “I still feel super bad about that, but there’s way, way worse stuff going on here. If they get out then everybody will figure out like, we BARELY make up stuff for NSP songs. Do you think I want everyone to know I really do cry after getting banged?”

Brian groaned. “…So you really think what’s going to freak everyone out is that and not the whole clone thing and the fact that you got some sick Martian trim?”

“ALL of it is going to freak everybody out!” Dan said. “Just start looking around the house. I engineered them to fear Ninja Brian’s manly essence so you should be safe. Godspeed, man!”

“Up yours, Dan.”

Dan sighed, hanging up the phone. “He…he’s not a night owl,” he said to no one in particular and immediately started combing the city streets for his four clone brothers.

He circled the block three times before returning to the only place he hadn’t searched yet – The Grumpspace. 

Dan crossed his fingers. He hoped. He sent positive vibes out to the universe. Absolutely anything at all that would keep his clones from having found his place of work and gone into zero-day fuck mode on whoever happened to be left behind in the office. He slid the keys into lock and carefully snuck his way into the office.

The sound of feminine moaning, regular and heavy, automatically made his blood race. In both the best and the worst way possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And behind door number one...

He circled the block three times before returning to the only place he hadn’t searched yet – The Grumpspace. 

Dan crossed his fingers. He hoped. He sent positive vibes out to the universe. Absolutely anything at all that would keep his clones from having found his place of work and gone into zero-day fuck mode on whoever happened to be left behind in the office. He slid the keys into lock and carefully snuck his way into the office.

The sound of feminine moaning, regular and heavy, automatically made his blood race. In both the best and the worst way possible.

He ripped the door open, and sure enough there sat number one…carefully painting Suzy’s fingernails with a bright green tube of lacquer. 

“You have to be fucking shitting all three of my nuts,” he mumbled to himself, then immediately had to remind himself not to mention the third nut in mixed company. But yep, he wasn’t: there was his clone, gussying up his best friend’s wife’s make-up.

“Wow, Dan, you weren’t kidding – this green polish really does bring out my eyes.” She waved her polished nails in the air, trying to properly dry them.

“Totally,” Clone Number 1 said. “So now that we’ve done your make-up, how do you feel about making exotic love on the couch with me?"

“Um…” Suzy blurted out, staring at him in confusion.

“Come now. I couldn’t help but notice the way you were watching me with those beautiful grey eyes of yours…”

“…They’re not grey,” she pointed out.

“…But I knew you wanted to experience the smooth, seductive powers of Daniel Y. Sexbang….”

“….Please tell me I’m dreaming this,” Suzy groaned, rubbing her temples. “Did Arin put you up to this or something?”

“Arin has nothing to do with this!” Clone #1. “There is only you and I and the night! COME. LIE WITH ME.”

That was too much for the real Dan to handle. Ready to be truthful or not, it was time to deliver a load of justice upside his clone’s head. He prepared to brace his skinny shoulder against the door and ram it open.

Then he heard masculine moaning coming from the kitchen…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan discovers the source of the mysterious moaning.

Dan back-tracked his way through the kitchen, trying desperately to find the source of the moaning before it was too late. God knew which one of his clones was changing the course of history with his schlong; Dan didn’t want to find out, only yearning for the 

But instead he found Clone #2, feeding Arin an oversized roast beef on rye sandwich, starry-eyed as Arin groaned and shoveled in as many bites as he could manage. 

“Why are you torturing me, lord?” Dan silently asked God. He did not want to know what Arin’s o-face looked like.

“Gee, Dan, you didn’t tell me you were so good at making sandwiches!” said Arin. 

“I didn’t? Why it’s one of my specialties. You know, Arin, I sprinkled a special ingredient on those loves. A powerful aphrodisiac from the planet Hornia…”

“Heh, that’s a great one, Dan – use it in a song – wait, why are my fingers going numb?”

“It’s a side effect,” said Clone two. “You might want to sit down on something _hard_ for a few minutes while it takes complete hold.”

Arin raised an eyebrow at him. “Yeahh. If it’s all the same to you I’m gonna go find Suzy, man…”

“What’s the rush?” Clone 2 asked. “We have all night…and one another…”

Dan charged forward to interrupt the flirtation, but then he heard another unwelcome sound.

“Oh, Dan!” a too familiar voice called from nearby. And he sounded a little too happy.

“God damn it, Ross!” Dan muttered under his breath, and rushed toward the main sitting room.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan stared blankly at the sight before him. There was his clone all right – and there was Ross, getting his back rubbed by Number Two, grinning the whole time.

“Problem?” his clone asked when he noticed Dan standing in the door.

“Oh, no – nothing out of the…ordinary. Can I talk to you, Ross?”

Ross already seemed creeped out as it was (it wasn’t Dan’s fault that his massive sex appeal tended to cause so much confusion!), so he followed Dan out of the room. “Do I wanna know what’s gone on?”

“Um…I’m just going to spit this out – that’s one of my clones, Ninja Sex Party is real, I’ve traveled through time and Brian and I’ve been keeping my clones in a research faculty. Tonight, all of my clones have escaped. So I need your help to round them back up, because you’ve got a good grasp of the whole metaphysical thing.

She raised an eyebrow. “You owe me, Dan,” she muttered. But she was following along.


End file.
